Has been a while since last post.
My mood has been very good the last week. I think this is due to the fact that the weather is on the improve and that I feel stable in my life. Marriage is a give-take scenario. As long as it is all not 'take' it can only get better. Some days Ang does more and others I do. I have the monopoly on dishes / washing duties. I see those 2 chores as therapy (as sad as that sounds). I can really lose myself in the repetitiveness and go elsewhere upstairs. I don't know what it is about simple "put the square block in the square hole" jobs/tasks that I love. Maybe it's because I can forget about my worries/stressors/life and get some "Ben" time. By that I mean no distractions, no outside input. Looking after the kids by myself is sorta like that. I am in charge (to a major degree). I do like to be in charge but I also love to follow another persons lead at times. Gets back to the whole "give/take" situation.
Currently I'd rate our marriage as a 6.5/10 on the grand scale of things. Pretty good, could be worse and some room for improvement. The kids are the major stumbling block. Jess is a terror at times and Ava is just going into that whole being able to express herself vocally - so we will have to watch out. The terrible two's is an amazing stage of life and it has been a pleasure/nightmare to experience it all.
We are now 26.2 weeks pregnant. Still haven't pencilled in a name for gods sake. I like either Siobhan or Cora. Ang I think is trying to get me to decide. Eh..
I really love my anniversary present. We are out there each night smacking balls around playing 8 ball or Kellys Pool. Have had a few games of 9 ball and Snooker with Jai but he didn't like either.
We have painted both Sarah and Jessica's rooms. Purple and pink. Was fun doing it. Ang did the majority. Part of her pregnancy nesting response.
Sunday, September 26
Tuesday, September 7
Royksopp ft. Robyn
Heard this on JJJ the other week.
Guess it means I'm into techno/synth/pop depressive music.
Emo anyone ??
Tuesday, August 31
No More Car Trips
Decided to go away to see my parents new house near Ballarat (Creswick) and then onto Pops' at Wycheproof last weekend. Took Sarah and Jessica away with me.
Lovely 3.5 hour drive to Creswick on Friday night (only got lost twice near Ballarat). Nice house, big lot of land and huge garage. Both girls traveled well. Sarah was very chirpy and at times annoying.
Moved on to Pops' via St.Arnaud on the Saturday. 2 hour drive. Girls were fine. He's doing well but really starting to feel his age (101). I don't know how 70/80/90 or 100 feel different - but I suppose Pop does. He still has his marbles and talking to him is like stepping back in time. Jess loves Poppy and really enjoys his company. Sarah was a bit of a spaz at times and really wasn't interacting at all. The constant yelling at Jess and then Jess screaming at Sarah was starting to get to me. Left early on Sunday morning.
(Sarah and Jess at Lumper Statue - Wycheproof)
6 hour drive back to Gippsland punctuated by stops at Bendigo (lunch - McChuckas), Deer Park (Smack Converters), Hallam (Inlaws) and then home. I dumped them at Ang's parents as they were really starting to drive me bonkers. Fighting over a 5 cent toy, kicking seats, the constant "Cant-keep-still-itis", etc. I left and got 30 minutes to myself at Fountain Gate. The final 90 minute drive was hassle free (thankfully) as my eyes were starting to pop outta my head.
After getting home Ang fed us some dinner and then absconded off to Bingo. Ducky (Ava) went off tap until she got home and Jess then plastered the hallway with stinky vomit (carsick).
Had a good time. Was ultra happy to get out of the car and away from them.....
Lovely 3.5 hour drive to Creswick on Friday night (only got lost twice near Ballarat). Nice house, big lot of land and huge garage. Both girls traveled well. Sarah was very chirpy and at times annoying.
Moved on to Pops' via St.Arnaud on the Saturday. 2 hour drive. Girls were fine. He's doing well but really starting to feel his age (101). I don't know how 70/80/90 or 100 feel different - but I suppose Pop does. He still has his marbles and talking to him is like stepping back in time. Jess loves Poppy and really enjoys his company. Sarah was a bit of a spaz at times and really wasn't interacting at all. The constant yelling at Jess and then Jess screaming at Sarah was starting to get to me. Left early on Sunday morning.
(Sarah and Jess at Lumper Statue - Wycheproof)
6 hour drive back to Gippsland punctuated by stops at Bendigo (lunch - McChuckas), Deer Park (Smack Converters), Hallam (Inlaws) and then home. I dumped them at Ang's parents as they were really starting to drive me bonkers. Fighting over a 5 cent toy, kicking seats, the constant "Cant-keep-still-itis", etc. I left and got 30 minutes to myself at Fountain Gate. The final 90 minute drive was hassle free (thankfully) as my eyes were starting to pop outta my head.
After getting home Ang fed us some dinner and then absconded off to Bingo. Ducky (Ava) went off tap until she got home and Jess then plastered the hallway with stinky vomit (carsick).
Had a good time. Was ultra happy to get out of the car and away from them.....
Thursday, August 19
Things
Quit my shit job 2 weeks ago.
On the last night I worked there I was abused by customers 50% of the time. This due to customers waiting 60 minutes (and in one case 100 minutes) for their food. A drunk native took the gold medal for the night when he called me a "fuckin' white cunt" and told me "this is not you fuckin' country" I came very close to throwing a few cut lunches at him. Adrenalin was pumping like a mothafucker but in the end I didn't because I was thinking about my job. What a waste... should of rammed his food into his face and punched him in the gonads. Got back to the shop and told the owners that I was going home. Didn't clean. Didn't mop. Just got my cash and exited. The following night I called in to say I wasn't coming in as I was heading up to Melbourne. Haven't been back since..... Nor have I even been called.
I have never trusted a fish'n'chip shop run by Asians. Don't know why... probably cause they can't cook greasy foods to save their lives.
Pretty happy to get away from that whole environment to say the least.
On the home front Jaiden and Sarah have been off sailing the high seas with Ang's parents the last week. On a P&O cruise to Noumea. They get back on Sunday. Jess and Ava have been a real fucking handful during this absence of older siblings. Ava caught Conjunctivitis from Daycare. Jess caught an ear, nose & throat infection. They have been ultra nightmarish overnight. Jess has been in our bed the last 5 nights. Ava won't settle at all.
Sleep... We're both due for some soon.
Won't happen for another 2-3 years or so until Bubs-to-Be is at least 18 months or so old. Strikes and gutters, onto the next frame....
We took Jess to see a Dora Live concert at Warragul yesterday. Was OK. She enjoyed it at least. A few hot mumma's about but I kept the eyes pretty much straight ahead.
I applied for a TAFE course today. Certificate IV in Mental Health. I think that's my field. Pretty much have a lifetime of experience BEING a psych patient. At least I think I can help a few people out that need it. And I think the whole psychiatric field of employment will be booming for the rest of my life as young and old wannabee's will continue to pop/inject/inhale whatever they can afford. Sad but true...
Smile. Today is over. Now onto tomorrow...
On the last night I worked there I was abused by customers 50% of the time. This due to customers waiting 60 minutes (and in one case 100 minutes) for their food. A drunk native took the gold medal for the night when he called me a "fuckin' white cunt" and told me "this is not you fuckin' country" I came very close to throwing a few cut lunches at him. Adrenalin was pumping like a mothafucker but in the end I didn't because I was thinking about my job. What a waste... should of rammed his food into his face and punched him in the gonads. Got back to the shop and told the owners that I was going home. Didn't clean. Didn't mop. Just got my cash and exited. The following night I called in to say I wasn't coming in as I was heading up to Melbourne. Haven't been back since..... Nor have I even been called.
I have never trusted a fish'n'chip shop run by Asians. Don't know why... probably cause they can't cook greasy foods to save their lives.
Pretty happy to get away from that whole environment to say the least.
On the home front Jaiden and Sarah have been off sailing the high seas with Ang's parents the last week. On a P&O cruise to Noumea. They get back on Sunday. Jess and Ava have been a real fucking handful during this absence of older siblings. Ava caught Conjunctivitis from Daycare. Jess caught an ear, nose & throat infection. They have been ultra nightmarish overnight. Jess has been in our bed the last 5 nights. Ava won't settle at all.
Sleep... We're both due for some soon.
Won't happen for another 2-3 years or so until Bubs-to-Be is at least 18 months or so old. Strikes and gutters, onto the next frame....
We took Jess to see a Dora Live concert at Warragul yesterday. Was OK. She enjoyed it at least. A few hot mumma's about but I kept the eyes pretty much straight ahead.
I applied for a TAFE course today. Certificate IV in Mental Health. I think that's my field. Pretty much have a lifetime of experience BEING a psych patient. At least I think I can help a few people out that need it. And I think the whole psychiatric field of employment will be booming for the rest of my life as young and old wannabee's will continue to pop/inject/inhale whatever they can afford. Sad but true...
Smile. Today is over. Now onto tomorrow...
Friday, August 6
Mt.St Gwinear 2010
Took Sarah and Jess to the snow on Wednesday. There was about 20cms up there but it was very compacted and icy. Hired a toboggan for an hour or so. Had to leave when Jess cracked the sads after a bad spill going down the run with Sarah. I was up the top quietly chuckling to myself afterwards.
It put Sarah in a great mood for 2 days. She didn't shut up on the way there or on the way home.
It put Sarah in a great mood for 2 days. She didn't shut up on the way there or on the way home.
Boy or Girl ?
Find out today (in under 2 hours) if we're having a boy or a girl at Xmas time.
Ang has plonked all her money on a boy. She has been sick nearly every morning since conception. I'm hoping for a boy too. But don't get me wrong, I would love another daughter.
This is our last child. If it is a successful pregnancy I'll be having the snip early 2011.
Ang has plonked all her money on a boy. She has been sick nearly every morning since conception. I'm hoping for a boy too. But don't get me wrong, I would love another daughter.
This is our last child. If it is a successful pregnancy I'll be having the snip early 2011.
Thursday, July 29
Musings
Yeh.
Last 2 nights has seen me sleeping on the couch with Ava. She is a bit unsettled during the nights and it is the easiest and quickest way to get some sleep by just grabbing her and plonking your ass on the couch for the night. At least Ang gets some quality shut-eye. Ava did sleep through the whole night twice last week and so far once this week. Hopefully she is turning a corner for the night. Please...
I was shitty as all fuck yesterday morning. Of course it was typically something so obscure and small that did my nut in (Ang taking forever and not being able to make a decision). To clear my head I went to the TAB, slapped $50 on a nag, got up, collected my profits and turned on my tail feeling much the better. If I do have a bet - I just back the favourite. No point reading the boards, studying form, etc etc. Yeah the professional punter can (maybe) make a living at the TAB but not some no brained donation freak like me. Smart money is on the fav - I'll stick with that. Has worked the last 14 days (I'm about $60 in front from 4 bets). And doing a George Costanza (leaving on a high note) to boot. Get a winner and get outta there. If I don't get a winner in 2 races - walk away. Money is tight so I'm not going to be collecting thick wads of cash.
Jaiden went for his learners yesterday. We bought him the book but he never studied it and thought he could wing it by just doing the online test at home. Wrong. Fail. He is going to sit again soon. Young people - they know it all.
Ang's phonecall with Paige last night didn't go to well. She was a wreak for a an hour or so until she had a chat with me. I told her - it doesn't hurt if you don't care. But that is all well and good for me. Ang carried her, nurtured her, raised her and all the rest. Paige basically stabbed her in the back and went to live with her father. When Paige is older it will really hit home. I see a cadre of psychological care for her down the road. But I might be mistaken. Never know.
Other than that things are going well. Can't really complain.
Last 2 nights has seen me sleeping on the couch with Ava. She is a bit unsettled during the nights and it is the easiest and quickest way to get some sleep by just grabbing her and plonking your ass on the couch for the night. At least Ang gets some quality shut-eye. Ava did sleep through the whole night twice last week and so far once this week. Hopefully she is turning a corner for the night. Please...
I was shitty as all fuck yesterday morning. Of course it was typically something so obscure and small that did my nut in (Ang taking forever and not being able to make a decision). To clear my head I went to the TAB, slapped $50 on a nag, got up, collected my profits and turned on my tail feeling much the better. If I do have a bet - I just back the favourite. No point reading the boards, studying form, etc etc. Yeah the professional punter can (maybe) make a living at the TAB but not some no brained donation freak like me. Smart money is on the fav - I'll stick with that. Has worked the last 14 days (I'm about $60 in front from 4 bets). And doing a George Costanza (leaving on a high note) to boot. Get a winner and get outta there. If I don't get a winner in 2 races - walk away. Money is tight so I'm not going to be collecting thick wads of cash.
Jaiden went for his learners yesterday. We bought him the book but he never studied it and thought he could wing it by just doing the online test at home. Wrong. Fail. He is going to sit again soon. Young people - they know it all.
Ang's phonecall with Paige last night didn't go to well. She was a wreak for a an hour or so until she had a chat with me. I told her - it doesn't hurt if you don't care. But that is all well and good for me. Ang carried her, nurtured her, raised her and all the rest. Paige basically stabbed her in the back and went to live with her father. When Paige is older it will really hit home. I see a cadre of psychological care for her down the road. But I might be mistaken. Never know.
Other than that things are going well. Can't really complain.
Saturday, July 24
Things
Has been a busy week or so.
Decided on Tuesday that I wanted to go back to my old job. Rang up the old boss and asked if I could come back. Woke up Wednesday and knew I had made the wrong decision. Went into my current employer and told him what I had did. He wasn't happy. Told him that I had a bad day and made a hasty crap decision based on said bad day. He's OK about it now. The one thing I told him - at least I am honest about what I did.
Went and saw my pdoc on Thursday. I wasn't in a good mood at all. We had a great session - discussing my own problems and his own. I like Danny because I feel that we help each other. He has an ASD as well. His child died from cot death which prompted him to become a psychologist. He even praised me "I'm in awe of you" - which sorta took me by surprise. Whenever I go there in a bad mood I come out feeling heaps better. And vice versa normally.
Haven't called Byron in over 2 months. A bit scared now that if I get back in contact that it will throw the sidchrome set into the works at his end and mine. Very complicated situation indeed. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Especially hard when he lives 5 hours away and I have a young family at home and wife is 17 weeks pregnant.
My random act of kindness this week was taking in a McD's happy meal to Sarah at lunchtime. Put her on cloud 9 for the day. My mother did the same for me when I was in primary school. Good memory. Just trying to replicate that with Sarah.
The monkeys in the house keep swinging from the branches. Big Daddy Ape just needs to swing in the branches with them at times and be ready to catch them when they fall.
Decided on Tuesday that I wanted to go back to my old job. Rang up the old boss and asked if I could come back. Woke up Wednesday and knew I had made the wrong decision. Went into my current employer and told him what I had did. He wasn't happy. Told him that I had a bad day and made a hasty crap decision based on said bad day. He's OK about it now. The one thing I told him - at least I am honest about what I did.
Went and saw my pdoc on Thursday. I wasn't in a good mood at all. We had a great session - discussing my own problems and his own. I like Danny because I feel that we help each other. He has an ASD as well. His child died from cot death which prompted him to become a psychologist. He even praised me "I'm in awe of you" - which sorta took me by surprise. Whenever I go there in a bad mood I come out feeling heaps better. And vice versa normally.
Haven't called Byron in over 2 months. A bit scared now that if I get back in contact that it will throw the sidchrome set into the works at his end and mine. Very complicated situation indeed. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Especially hard when he lives 5 hours away and I have a young family at home and wife is 17 weeks pregnant.
My random act of kindness this week was taking in a McD's happy meal to Sarah at lunchtime. Put her on cloud 9 for the day. My mother did the same for me when I was in primary school. Good memory. Just trying to replicate that with Sarah.
The monkeys in the house keep swinging from the branches. Big Daddy Ape just needs to swing in the branches with them at times and be ready to catch them when they fall.
Friday, July 16
Chest pains revealed no abnormalities in the blood work. GP (who I thought had as much compassion as Hitler on a bender) said it was probably just indigestion.
Got the new Camira on the road on Monday. RWC and rego'ed for $300 without any hassles whatsoever. The mechanic (A friend of Graeme's) was ultra impressed with how good nick it is in. VicRoads inspection was check engine numbers and walk around the car. So all up it has cost me 700 quid to have a vehicle with 6 months rego. Not too bad. Hopefully I get over 70,000 kms with it. The amount of money the previous owner spent on maintaining the vehicle was ridiculous. His loss, my gain.
Mood has been pretty stable last week. Not high, not low. Bit of a Special K at the moment.
Work is busy. Has been OK I guess.
Kids at home have been a bit full on. They are now at daycare an extra day (Friday's). Ava threw up all over me this morning at 3am (fun) and then we slept on the couch until 6am when Jess woke us up demanding I make her a bottle. Nice.
I am a little bit fucked to say the least....
Got the new Camira on the road on Monday. RWC and rego'ed for $300 without any hassles whatsoever. The mechanic (A friend of Graeme's) was ultra impressed with how good nick it is in. VicRoads inspection was check engine numbers and walk around the car. So all up it has cost me 700 quid to have a vehicle with 6 months rego. Not too bad. Hopefully I get over 70,000 kms with it. The amount of money the previous owner spent on maintaining the vehicle was ridiculous. His loss, my gain.
Mood has been pretty stable last week. Not high, not low. Bit of a Special K at the moment.
Work is busy. Has been OK I guess.
Kids at home have been a bit full on. They are now at daycare an extra day (Friday's). Ava threw up all over me this morning at 3am (fun) and then we slept on the couch until 6am when Jess woke us up demanding I make her a bottle. Nice.
I am a little bit fucked to say the least....
Sunday, July 11
Thursday, July 8
Meh + Bo = Sna !
Had to take Jess to a skin specialist yesterday at Warragul. Turns out her spots are called Molluscum Contagiosum. She's had them for over 6 months now. Look like warts. They cover the back of her legs and her back. She has never seemed that bothered by them. A simple ointment will eventually clear it up. Otherwise she'll need them burnt off - that will be a nightmare because when we went in to see the doc Jess hid underneath a chair and then lay on the ground with her blanket covering her.
I've been having some chest pains the last week. Have been to the qwack and am awaiting blood results on Friday. Nothing too serious but I would like NOT to have a heart attack, thank you very muchly.
We knocked down the woodshed 2 days ago. Gonna build something for Jai so he has privacy and we gain an extra room.
My moods have been a bit sedate the last 5 days. Guess messing with my meds has Iggle Piggled it all. I'm not yet fishing from the roof, good sign. Just feel a bit detached and devoid of emotion. I'd rather that than jumping down everyone's throat. It seems little things set me off the most.
I've been having some chest pains the last week. Have been to the qwack and am awaiting blood results on Friday. Nothing too serious but I would like NOT to have a heart attack, thank you very muchly.
We knocked down the woodshed 2 days ago. Gonna build something for Jai so he has privacy and we gain an extra room.
My moods have been a bit sedate the last 5 days. Guess messing with my meds has Iggle Piggled it all. I'm not yet fishing from the roof, good sign. Just feel a bit detached and devoid of emotion. I'd rather that than jumping down everyone's throat. It seems little things set me off the most.
Tuesday, July 6
Monday, July 5
Thursday, July 1
Happenings
Decided on the spot on Sunday to go to my parents house on Sunday. We stayed overnight. Kids were a nightmare. My parents seemed inconvenienced that we visited. To me it came across that we disturbed them from packing up (moving to Creswick in just over a month). We had Chinese (not as good as it used to be) and Ang and my Mother went to Bingo. I had the monsters for the night. Ava slept through the night but Jess was a freaking disaster. It was very cold though. We drove back the next day. Won't be doing that again anytime soon.
My parents are a bit of a disappointment to me. My older brother gets 3 days/nights a week with my Mother living down the road from him. He lives in Wycheproof (3 hours north of Melbourne). She is supposed to look after my 101 year old Pop. The guts of it is - he gets it all, we get a 3 hour monthly visit. He is a school teacher. His wife is a School Principal. They have a rental in inner Melbourne (Yarraville). Now tell me - how much $$$ are they on ? I'd say well over 100 K a year. I know I know, bit of sour grapes from my part, poor middle child syndrome.
I fuckin' hate it though. My family and kids miss out because I don't have rainbows blooming from my arse. My younger brother even had it better than me up until a few months ago. He could smoke dope in their house without fear of being booted out. Me and him got an ultimatum from our mother 7 years ago. We broke the rules, I left and never returned, he continued to do whatever the fuck he liked. Yeah - sour grapes again.
I all can say is that I'm not going to be jumping through hoops when they get older, more crinkley and infirm. My Pop always tells me not to worry about it and that everyone gets what is coming to them in the end. He laughs when I tell him my woes and says "Don't worry son, they'll be old one day". Yeah - good advice.
I'm up early today (4AM) because of bad dreams (happening of late) and an unsettled stomach which is due to last nights pizza. Work is becoming more of a hostile environment. One of the owners is a Nazi. And I think that's being unfair to Nazi's. Time to be getting myself a daytime job. I think 3 years of working nights is enough.
(Looking East towards Loy Yang Power Station - 25 kms away)
My parents are a bit of a disappointment to me. My older brother gets 3 days/nights a week with my Mother living down the road from him. He lives in Wycheproof (3 hours north of Melbourne). She is supposed to look after my 101 year old Pop. The guts of it is - he gets it all, we get a 3 hour monthly visit. He is a school teacher. His wife is a School Principal. They have a rental in inner Melbourne (Yarraville). Now tell me - how much $$$ are they on ? I'd say well over 100 K a year. I know I know, bit of sour grapes from my part, poor middle child syndrome.
I fuckin' hate it though. My family and kids miss out because I don't have rainbows blooming from my arse. My younger brother even had it better than me up until a few months ago. He could smoke dope in their house without fear of being booted out. Me and him got an ultimatum from our mother 7 years ago. We broke the rules, I left and never returned, he continued to do whatever the fuck he liked. Yeah - sour grapes again.
I all can say is that I'm not going to be jumping through hoops when they get older, more crinkley and infirm. My Pop always tells me not to worry about it and that everyone gets what is coming to them in the end. He laughs when I tell him my woes and says "Don't worry son, they'll be old one day". Yeah - good advice.
I'm up early today (4AM) because of bad dreams (happening of late) and an unsettled stomach which is due to last nights pizza. Work is becoming more of a hostile environment. One of the owners is a Nazi. And I think that's being unfair to Nazi's. Time to be getting myself a daytime job. I think 3 years of working nights is enough.
(Looking East towards Loy Yang Power Station - 25 kms away)
Thursday, June 24
Sunday
Had a very interesting day.
Got a sleep in till 7am (Hasn't happened in a while) - FTW
Thought leaking coolant problem in Leaky the Camira was fixed - FTW.
Getting a Canary on Leaky the Camira for having a dull number plate and 1 baldish tire - F$#!. Leaky the Camira then blowing a head gasket on Sunday night at work - Double F#@!!!
Mixed day indeed.
Bought another fuckin' Camira on Tuesday from eBay for $398. Later model (88) so hopefully it goes for longer than 6 months. I'd be happy with that. Needs a RWC and then to be registered. My friendly backyard mechanic thinks it looks OK on first inspection. Fine comb still to come.
I've gotta think up a name for it. It's Gold coloured so I'm liking GoldDust, GoldFrapp, GoldFinger, Bond, etc etc. Not sure yet.
We had to fork out $300 today to get the Ford Exploder some new ball joints installed. And I've been driving it for work the last 2 nights. I don't like it that much personally as I'm over 6ft tall and have some weight issues likened to a habitual seal eating walrus.
Apart from that things are looking somewhat more pleasant than what it did a few weeks back.
Got a sleep in till 7am (Hasn't happened in a while) - FTW
Thought leaking coolant problem in Leaky the Camira was fixed - FTW.
Getting a Canary on Leaky the Camira for having a dull number plate and 1 baldish tire - F$#!. Leaky the Camira then blowing a head gasket on Sunday night at work - Double F#@!!!
Mixed day indeed.
Bought another fuckin' Camira on Tuesday from eBay for $398. Later model (88) so hopefully it goes for longer than 6 months. I'd be happy with that. Needs a RWC and then to be registered. My friendly backyard mechanic thinks it looks OK on first inspection. Fine comb still to come.
I've gotta think up a name for it. It's Gold coloured so I'm liking GoldDust, GoldFrapp, GoldFinger, Bond, etc etc. Not sure yet.
We had to fork out $300 today to get the Ford Exploder some new ball joints installed. And I've been driving it for work the last 2 nights. I don't like it that much personally as I'm over 6ft tall and have some weight issues likened to a habitual seal eating walrus.
Apart from that things are looking somewhat more pleasant than what it did a few weeks back.
Thursday, June 17
Mood Up
Has been a good couple of days lately. Think it's due to me doubling my meds. I only take a low dose and with the constant sleep torment found that low dose not working as it should be. Since doubling it I have been calmer, more relaxed, sleeping better (due to kids being more settled overnight) and slightly more happy. The other day I said to Ang that I wished that I was dead, that I hated my life and I could happily walk into a State Forest and never come back. Thankfully things have improved.
Been watching the World Cup when I can. Usually see the early game and the last 30 minutes of the late game. The fuckin' horns ruin the viewing spectacle. I'd rather hear foreign chants and curses to the sound of European wasps having sex with Africaan killer bees. Found this good (annoying) website with those fuckin' horns.
Vuvuzela Game - How long can you stand the noise ?
Turn the speakers up and see how long you go. I last 2 seconds and that's it.
On other news Leaky the Camira is on its last legs. I reckon it's going to do a head gasket in the next few weeks/months. I need to get the RWC to VicRoads in early July. I have decided to get another el cheapo car with rego and piss it off. Has been a disasterous money-eater from the day I got it. Fuckin' stoopid cars. Alas, I need one for work. A guy I deliver to wants the Magna in the backyard. I told him last night that he could have it for $200. He'll let me know next week.
Jaiden turned 16 on Tuesday. And Ava turned 1 yesterday. It has been a busy few days. Jai got a few clothes from expensive Surf shop and some coin. Ava got crap that is useless. I think she was more impressed with the wrapping paper.
Life, I think, has turned a corner for now. I just need to stop the mood swings. Although they don't linger like a smelly carpet (ie. Leaky the Camira) they are still a annoyance to myself and more importantly my immediate family. Hopefully the self induced med change helps.
Been watching the World Cup when I can. Usually see the early game and the last 30 minutes of the late game. The fuckin' horns ruin the viewing spectacle. I'd rather hear foreign chants and curses to the sound of European wasps having sex with Africaan killer bees. Found this good (annoying) website with those fuckin' horns.
Vuvuzela Game - How long can you stand the noise ?
Turn the speakers up and see how long you go. I last 2 seconds and that's it.
On other news Leaky the Camira is on its last legs. I reckon it's going to do a head gasket in the next few weeks/months. I need to get the RWC to VicRoads in early July. I have decided to get another el cheapo car with rego and piss it off. Has been a disasterous money-eater from the day I got it. Fuckin' stoopid cars. Alas, I need one for work. A guy I deliver to wants the Magna in the backyard. I told him last night that he could have it for $200. He'll let me know next week.
Jaiden turned 16 on Tuesday. And Ava turned 1 yesterday. It has been a busy few days. Jai got a few clothes from expensive Surf shop and some coin. Ava got crap that is useless. I think she was more impressed with the wrapping paper.
Life, I think, has turned a corner for now. I just need to stop the mood swings. Although they don't linger like a smelly carpet (ie. Leaky the Camira) they are still a annoyance to myself and more importantly my immediate family. Hopefully the self induced med change helps.
Monday, June 14
Children under 3
Two words can sum it up = Pleasant Nightmare
Ava is a real fuckin' handful of late. She is going through the whole attachment-detachment phase of life. If you leave the room = tears. It is very annoying and stressful. You just can't seem to catch 5 minutes to yourself.
Jess is a tornado of destruction. Her batteries never die. I decided that I don't like this stage of her development.
Glad I have tonight off. Have worked 48/56 nights. I can see a holiday around the corner. Even if it's camping out in the backyard.
I shit you not !
Ava is a real fuckin' handful of late. She is going through the whole attachment-detachment phase of life. If you leave the room = tears. It is very annoying and stressful. You just can't seem to catch 5 minutes to yourself.
Jess is a tornado of destruction. Her batteries never die. I decided that I don't like this stage of her development.
Glad I have tonight off. Have worked 48/56 nights. I can see a holiday around the corner. Even if it's camping out in the backyard.
I shit you not !
Friday, June 11
Stress
Another 430am morning wake up. Jess beside the bed asking for her teddies and Dora. She then woke Ava by running through her bedroom. Bonus !
What are your stress levels like ? What are your main causes of stress ?
For me it's many things. Waking up before the sun is even likely to crest the horizon does not help. Being sleep deprived is a hard thing to catch back up on. Personally for me this has been going on since Jessica was about 6/7 months old. She was sleeping in our bed every night for over 12 months. So the backlog of lost sleep is a major concern. I'd take a 1 hour quality nap over 6-7 hours of broken fucked up shut-eye any day. It's something that you can never regain. I liken it to starting a car with a flat battery. And sooner or later (hopefully never in my case) it's all going to go pear shaped. I'm sure secret bunker type studies have been completed in this area. Currently it's a major force of torture in Gitmo. Yeah that's right - it's used as a weapon of war. For fucks sake. Guantanamo Bay would be like a holiday to Disneyworld for me. It is currently 70% of my main problems with my life. Can't see an end to it as well for at least another 3/4 years as Angela is 11 weeks pregnant with our LAST child together. We put our order in for a good baby - bit like buying a Powerball ticket hoping to win 1st division. Never gonna happen but you hope in the dark recesses of your brain that it does.
Another cause of stress to me is money. Not that we don't have any. Just the way it is spread out over things. I'm a tight ass. Have always been a good saver even when I had barely an income. I live on nothing - can go days without eating. I understand we have kids and their needs must be met. Just wish we could keep to a stringent budget come payday. I feel guilty when I spend $1 on myself. I'm sure Angela is the same. But our kids don't go without. We are both totally selfless. Even if we had decent coin - I think it would just cause MORE problems. We could tighten our belts in some areas (gambling, unnecessary spending) but some staples we can't go without. Having 2 in nappies doesn't help. Soon to be 3 later this year. Luckily Jessica is nearly toilet trained. FTW !
Another cause of stress is Sarah. She has ADHD. We liken it to having 3 kids under the age of 5 not 2. I met Sarah for the first time after she had just turned 4. In my opinion she was easier to 'handle' back then. I guess with time her illness is really starting to show it's true self. She is a lost cause in the mornings. Doesn't listen to any things that we tell her to do (unless we hand over $$$ to do it). I aint gonna be doing that. We have to take the easy and the hard roads with her at the same time. It is very confusing. On one hand you have to constantly bite your tongue as she spins around on the floor when told to do something and then on the other hand try and give her extra attention and praise so she comes out of her shell. Throw in her father and the dramas that have gone on in that situation - who can gauge what effect that has had on her in her whole enitre life. He wanted Angela to abort Sarah in utero. Dropped her on her head a few times. Etc etc. Then again I never saw all the negatives in her life. I hear it second hand from Ang, Jaiden and others. I believe all of it though. And the sad thing is that Sarah will not get better for many years to come. We just can't spend the time with her - not with the 2 little ones demanding all our attention. Catch 22 situation. Damned if we and damned if we don't.
I could go on for years on how my life sucks at the moment. But it is just specks in the ocean that makes my life suck at times. If I look at the whole picture - I am so happy to have a loving, caring wife, great kids, a house (mortgaged), a job (shitty) and that I am not in the Nut House.
Pro's - I'm alive.
Con's - I'll die one day.
What are your stress levels like ? What are your main causes of stress ?
For me it's many things. Waking up before the sun is even likely to crest the horizon does not help. Being sleep deprived is a hard thing to catch back up on. Personally for me this has been going on since Jessica was about 6/7 months old. She was sleeping in our bed every night for over 12 months. So the backlog of lost sleep is a major concern. I'd take a 1 hour quality nap over 6-7 hours of broken fucked up shut-eye any day. It's something that you can never regain. I liken it to starting a car with a flat battery. And sooner or later (hopefully never in my case) it's all going to go pear shaped. I'm sure secret bunker type studies have been completed in this area. Currently it's a major force of torture in Gitmo. Yeah that's right - it's used as a weapon of war. For fucks sake. Guantanamo Bay would be like a holiday to Disneyworld for me. It is currently 70% of my main problems with my life. Can't see an end to it as well for at least another 3/4 years as Angela is 11 weeks pregnant with our LAST child together. We put our order in for a good baby - bit like buying a Powerball ticket hoping to win 1st division. Never gonna happen but you hope in the dark recesses of your brain that it does.
Another cause of stress to me is money. Not that we don't have any. Just the way it is spread out over things. I'm a tight ass. Have always been a good saver even when I had barely an income. I live on nothing - can go days without eating. I understand we have kids and their needs must be met. Just wish we could keep to a stringent budget come payday. I feel guilty when I spend $1 on myself. I'm sure Angela is the same. But our kids don't go without. We are both totally selfless. Even if we had decent coin - I think it would just cause MORE problems. We could tighten our belts in some areas (gambling, unnecessary spending) but some staples we can't go without. Having 2 in nappies doesn't help. Soon to be 3 later this year. Luckily Jessica is nearly toilet trained. FTW !
Another cause of stress is Sarah. She has ADHD. We liken it to having 3 kids under the age of 5 not 2. I met Sarah for the first time after she had just turned 4. In my opinion she was easier to 'handle' back then. I guess with time her illness is really starting to show it's true self. She is a lost cause in the mornings. Doesn't listen to any things that we tell her to do (unless we hand over $$$ to do it). I aint gonna be doing that. We have to take the easy and the hard roads with her at the same time. It is very confusing. On one hand you have to constantly bite your tongue as she spins around on the floor when told to do something and then on the other hand try and give her extra attention and praise so she comes out of her shell. Throw in her father and the dramas that have gone on in that situation - who can gauge what effect that has had on her in her whole enitre life. He wanted Angela to abort Sarah in utero. Dropped her on her head a few times. Etc etc. Then again I never saw all the negatives in her life. I hear it second hand from Ang, Jaiden and others. I believe all of it though. And the sad thing is that Sarah will not get better for many years to come. We just can't spend the time with her - not with the 2 little ones demanding all our attention. Catch 22 situation. Damned if we and damned if we don't.
I could go on for years on how my life sucks at the moment. But it is just specks in the ocean that makes my life suck at times. If I look at the whole picture - I am so happy to have a loving, caring wife, great kids, a house (mortgaged), a job (shitty) and that I am not in the Nut House.
Pro's - I'm alive.
Con's - I'll die one day.
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