Another 430am morning wake up. Jess beside the bed asking for her teddies and Dora. She then woke Ava by running through her bedroom. Bonus !
What are your stress levels like ? What are your main causes of stress ?
For me it's many things. Waking up before the sun is even likely to crest the horizon does not help. Being sleep deprived is a hard thing to catch back up on. Personally for me this has been going on since Jessica was about 6/7 months old. She was sleeping in our bed every night for over 12 months. So the backlog of lost sleep is a major concern. I'd take a 1 hour quality nap over 6-7 hours of broken fucked up shut-eye any day. It's something that you can never regain. I liken it to starting a car with a flat battery. And sooner or later (hopefully never in my case) it's all going to go pear shaped. I'm sure secret bunker type studies have been completed in this area. Currently it's a major force of torture in Gitmo. Yeah that's right - it's used as a weapon of war. For fucks sake. Guantanamo Bay would be like a holiday to Disneyworld for me. It is currently 70% of my main problems with my life. Can't see an end to it as well for at least another 3/4 years as Angela is 11 weeks pregnant with our LAST child together. We put our order in for a good baby - bit like buying a Powerball ticket hoping to win 1st division. Never gonna happen but you hope in the dark recesses of your brain that it does.
Another cause of stress to me is money. Not that we don't have any. Just the way it is spread out over things. I'm a tight ass. Have always been a good saver even when I had barely an income. I live on nothing - can go days without eating. I understand we have kids and their needs must be met. Just wish we could keep to a stringent budget come payday. I feel guilty when I spend $1 on myself. I'm sure Angela is the same. But our kids don't go without. We are both totally selfless. Even if we had decent coin - I think it would just cause MORE problems. We could tighten our belts in some areas (gambling, unnecessary spending) but some staples we can't go without. Having 2 in nappies doesn't help. Soon to be 3 later this year. Luckily Jessica is nearly toilet trained. FTW !
Another cause of stress is Sarah. She has ADHD. We liken it to having 3 kids under the age of 5 not 2. I met Sarah for the first time after she had just turned 4. In my opinion she was easier to 'handle' back then. I guess with time her illness is really starting to show it's true self. She is a lost cause in the mornings. Doesn't listen to any things that we tell her to do (unless we hand over $$$ to do it). I aint gonna be doing that. We have to take the easy and the hard roads with her at the same time. It is very confusing. On one hand you have to constantly bite your tongue as she spins around on the floor when told to do something and then on the other hand try and give her extra attention and praise so she comes out of her shell. Throw in her father and the dramas that have gone on in that situation - who can gauge what effect that has had on her in her whole enitre life. He wanted Angela to abort Sarah in utero. Dropped her on her head a few times. Etc etc. Then again I never saw all the negatives in her life. I hear it second hand from Ang, Jaiden and others. I believe all of it though. And the sad thing is that Sarah will not get better for many years to come. We just can't spend the time with her - not with the 2 little ones demanding all our attention. Catch 22 situation. Damned if we and damned if we don't.
I could go on for years on how my life sucks at the moment. But it is just specks in the ocean that makes my life suck at times. If I look at the whole picture - I am so happy to have a loving, caring wife, great kids, a house (mortgaged), a job (shitty) and that I am not in the Nut House.
Pro's - I'm alive.
Con's - I'll die one day.