Wednesday, April 20
Tuesday, April 5
Time = Money
What is best in life ?
Conan the Barbarian would yell "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and begin the lamentation of the women". I would nod in agreement and add "Settle for a hot meal, a warm bed, a sharp sword and a loving partner/family". Life is supposed to be simple but in reality it is simple people that make life hard...
Work (Vista) has fucked my pay over the last 6 weeks. I'm owed close to $600 in backpay now. The monkeys in the office and at payroll are no closer to settling the debt. In response I have joined the ASU (union) and we use them as a negotiator to sort this friggin mess out once and for all. The office blames payroll and payroll throws it back to the office. I'm just throwing the 2 bananas from now on - useless fuckers.
Was asked to do a fill in 1 hour shift yesterday. It turned into 4.5 hours with no info from the generals tent (office). In war if the troops are not given proper and adequate direction they invariably turn their guns on their leaders or end up shooting supposed friendly forces. Vista's generals tent is in total disarray at the moment. 90% of the TASS clients have gone totally troppo. Absconding, drug use, accidents and other awful incidents have occurred over the last month. Must be something in the water or the air. Support workers are joining different sides of the debate with the office/clients and it's a total balls up situation. Thank god I go in, do my shit and get the fuck outta dodge. One particular client gives me nothing but grief and at one other house it is the other workers that give me the most trouble. I'll continue on the path until I get more certificates so I can move further along the chain to where I'm needed most. I want to go to the local Psych Ward next but I need a minimum diploma in div2 nursing to get there. My pdoc says all Vista do is dangle a carrot in front of the donkey to keep it happy. Very close to the truth indeed.
Home life has been hectic. Ella is in a good routine. Jess is starting to settle down somewhat. Ava has her good days and bad. Jaiden is so lost in his computer reality it is becoming very apparent that he will have major social problems when he is older. I moved the computer from his room and out next to mine yesterday and he sooked like a little girl about it to Ang. Over dinner Ang relented and said he could have it back in his room but with stringent conditions in place. I just ignored the conversation. The boy is an arrogant fucktard most of the times. 16 years old who thinks he's smarter than Stephen Hawking without a disability. I was like that a little at the same age but I had major respect for my peers/elders. He does not. I can see me and him going toe-to-toe one day. His ego is off the charts... Oh well, he'll dance with the wrong person one day in the future and I can see him copping a total caning.
On a more personal note I'm beginning to level out a little. It sucks because I was enjoying being on a high (over happy) for the last 3 months. Means "bite yer tongue" has to be brought back into play re. Wife, work and squids. It was a good feeling to feel happy for the period. Hopefully I refind that mojo and soon.
Conan the Barbarian would yell "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and begin the lamentation of the women". I would nod in agreement and add "Settle for a hot meal, a warm bed, a sharp sword and a loving partner/family". Life is supposed to be simple but in reality it is simple people that make life hard...
Work (Vista) has fucked my pay over the last 6 weeks. I'm owed close to $600 in backpay now. The monkeys in the office and at payroll are no closer to settling the debt. In response I have joined the ASU (union) and we use them as a negotiator to sort this friggin mess out once and for all. The office blames payroll and payroll throws it back to the office. I'm just throwing the 2 bananas from now on - useless fuckers.
Was asked to do a fill in 1 hour shift yesterday. It turned into 4.5 hours with no info from the generals tent (office). In war if the troops are not given proper and adequate direction they invariably turn their guns on their leaders or end up shooting supposed friendly forces. Vista's generals tent is in total disarray at the moment. 90% of the TASS clients have gone totally troppo. Absconding, drug use, accidents and other awful incidents have occurred over the last month. Must be something in the water or the air. Support workers are joining different sides of the debate with the office/clients and it's a total balls up situation. Thank god I go in, do my shit and get the fuck outta dodge. One particular client gives me nothing but grief and at one other house it is the other workers that give me the most trouble. I'll continue on the path until I get more certificates so I can move further along the chain to where I'm needed most. I want to go to the local Psych Ward next but I need a minimum diploma in div2 nursing to get there. My pdoc says all Vista do is dangle a carrot in front of the donkey to keep it happy. Very close to the truth indeed.
Home life has been hectic. Ella is in a good routine. Jess is starting to settle down somewhat. Ava has her good days and bad. Jaiden is so lost in his computer reality it is becoming very apparent that he will have major social problems when he is older. I moved the computer from his room and out next to mine yesterday and he sooked like a little girl about it to Ang. Over dinner Ang relented and said he could have it back in his room but with stringent conditions in place. I just ignored the conversation. The boy is an arrogant fucktard most of the times. 16 years old who thinks he's smarter than Stephen Hawking without a disability. I was like that a little at the same age but I had major respect for my peers/elders. He does not. I can see me and him going toe-to-toe one day. His ego is off the charts... Oh well, he'll dance with the wrong person one day in the future and I can see him copping a total caning.
On a more personal note I'm beginning to level out a little. It sucks because I was enjoying being on a high (over happy) for the last 3 months. Means "bite yer tongue" has to be brought back into play re. Wife, work and squids. It was a good feeling to feel happy for the period. Hopefully I refind that mojo and soon.
Sunday, March 13
I'm back Baby
Has been a while, yes....
Have been working as a disability support worker on the TASS program (Therapeutic Accomodation Support Services) since mid January. One word basically sums it all up - MAYHEM. It is great money for me and the family ($30/hour) but it's highly stressful at times. One of the clients is a real problem to the system and to us, the workers. The other clients are pretty messed up but very enjoyable to work with 80% of the time. Have had major issues with other workers but that goes with the territory. Have had huuuuuge problems with my employer - they are basically sycophants and hardly ever put the client first. It's pretty sad really. Im currently looking for employment elsewhere to get away from the bullshit. I just don't do politics very well. And then throw in hierarchies within hierarchies - bah, mayhem.
Home life has been ultra stressful too. Little Ella joined our family on December 27th, 2010. Ang is currently suffering from PND. I think she's always had depression (all her life) and I also think she is BP1 (major mood swings). But I'm standing tall with her at the moment. I can't do it forever if Ang continues on her current switcheroo path. That makes me ultra sad. But everyone has a breaking point. A point of no return. A boundary line that you cannot step back inside once you step over it. She is on meds right now but is doing no CBT. Ang has to wait until April 27th to see a specialist. Thursday/Friday she was excellent. Yesterday she was not. She let my younger brother (who is down for the weekend) drive her car with Jessica in tow to the shops yesterday. My younger brother is not right in the head at the moment and Ang knows this but still let him go yesterday. She warned him off if he fucked up (using me) but I still need her to put on a "serious parent hat" in these situations. She doesn't most of the time. PND must be like that. Having your head/mind scrambled that you forget how to be a Mum. Not so difficult with a 1st child but it's Angela's 6th (and last, hopefully) child. I have to constantly bite my tongue with her. And all that is basically is that I cannot be myself. I don't want to continue not being me - I like me at the moment.
Since Ella's arrival I have been on a journey of self discovery (a good way of putting it). My mood is great (above 6 most days), I am smiling, laughing and generally carrying on like when I was a child/teenager. I'm now seeing psych doctors at Traralgon through community mental health. I was referred there by my GP (exactly like 13 years ago) because I wanted a 'med tweak'. The crap I take is just that - crap. I've been on it for over 7 years now and am on the lowest dose possible. It is an anti psych/anti depressant. Currently I am not psychotic and have never suffered from depression. Why the fuck do I take it then ? It has caused me bitch tits - increased prolactin levels (ever since 1998 when I went onto anti psychs), massive weight gain (was 70kgs in late 1998 - did balloon at one stage to 150kgs - currently I am 127kgs), loss of sex drive / very low testosterone levels (c'mon - I'm a bloke. I wanna do blokey things) and high blood pressure (maybe). It's nigh time for a change I think. But when I went up there they said I was 'Hypo manic" and it's time to double your meds. I did and within 4 days I was back on my normal dose. It really really made me ultra irritable in all things. I was approachable to a med change and the treating doctor (Dr Ojo) said "no, double your meds". Dickhead. Danny has been working with me to go completely OFF meds. I think he wants me to make that decision. And I am close to making that decision, very close. I take a blood pressure tablet now and also temazepam (high powered sleeping aid) to help me sleep better. The temtabs knock me out within 10 minutes but I'm still only sleeping 4-5 hours per night. It's a real shit storm right now - but I am fighting the good fight for myself and my immediate family, no-one else. Quote Metallica here in this situation "'Cause nothing else matters". As a teenager friends used to say "and monkey shit splatters". Sorry off topic - but it's related to the discussion, hehe.
More to come......
Have been working as a disability support worker on the TASS program (Therapeutic Accomodation Support Services) since mid January. One word basically sums it all up - MAYHEM. It is great money for me and the family ($30/hour) but it's highly stressful at times. One of the clients is a real problem to the system and to us, the workers. The other clients are pretty messed up but very enjoyable to work with 80% of the time. Have had major issues with other workers but that goes with the territory. Have had huuuuuge problems with my employer - they are basically sycophants and hardly ever put the client first. It's pretty sad really. Im currently looking for employment elsewhere to get away from the bullshit. I just don't do politics very well. And then throw in hierarchies within hierarchies - bah, mayhem.
Home life has been ultra stressful too. Little Ella joined our family on December 27th, 2010. Ang is currently suffering from PND. I think she's always had depression (all her life) and I also think she is BP1 (major mood swings). But I'm standing tall with her at the moment. I can't do it forever if Ang continues on her current switcheroo path. That makes me ultra sad. But everyone has a breaking point. A point of no return. A boundary line that you cannot step back inside once you step over it. She is on meds right now but is doing no CBT. Ang has to wait until April 27th to see a specialist. Thursday/Friday she was excellent. Yesterday she was not. She let my younger brother (who is down for the weekend) drive her car with Jessica in tow to the shops yesterday. My younger brother is not right in the head at the moment and Ang knows this but still let him go yesterday. She warned him off if he fucked up (using me) but I still need her to put on a "serious parent hat" in these situations. She doesn't most of the time. PND must be like that. Having your head/mind scrambled that you forget how to be a Mum. Not so difficult with a 1st child but it's Angela's 6th (and last, hopefully) child. I have to constantly bite my tongue with her. And all that is basically is that I cannot be myself. I don't want to continue not being me - I like me at the moment.
Since Ella's arrival I have been on a journey of self discovery (a good way of putting it). My mood is great (above 6 most days), I am smiling, laughing and generally carrying on like when I was a child/teenager. I'm now seeing psych doctors at Traralgon through community mental health. I was referred there by my GP (exactly like 13 years ago) because I wanted a 'med tweak'. The crap I take is just that - crap. I've been on it for over 7 years now and am on the lowest dose possible. It is an anti psych/anti depressant. Currently I am not psychotic and have never suffered from depression. Why the fuck do I take it then ? It has caused me bitch tits - increased prolactin levels (ever since 1998 when I went onto anti psychs), massive weight gain (was 70kgs in late 1998 - did balloon at one stage to 150kgs - currently I am 127kgs), loss of sex drive / very low testosterone levels (c'mon - I'm a bloke. I wanna do blokey things) and high blood pressure (maybe). It's nigh time for a change I think. But when I went up there they said I was 'Hypo manic" and it's time to double your meds. I did and within 4 days I was back on my normal dose. It really really made me ultra irritable in all things. I was approachable to a med change and the treating doctor (Dr Ojo) said "no, double your meds". Dickhead. Danny has been working with me to go completely OFF meds. I think he wants me to make that decision. And I am close to making that decision, very close. I take a blood pressure tablet now and also temazepam (high powered sleeping aid) to help me sleep better. The temtabs knock me out within 10 minutes but I'm still only sleeping 4-5 hours per night. It's a real shit storm right now - but I am fighting the good fight for myself and my immediate family, no-one else. Quote Metallica here in this situation "'Cause nothing else matters". As a teenager friends used to say "and monkey shit splatters". Sorry off topic - but it's related to the discussion, hehe.
More to come......
Sunday, September 26
Time
Has been a while since last post.
My mood has been very good the last week. I think this is due to the fact that the weather is on the improve and that I feel stable in my life. Marriage is a give-take scenario. As long as it is all not 'take' it can only get better. Some days Ang does more and others I do. I have the monopoly on dishes / washing duties. I see those 2 chores as therapy (as sad as that sounds). I can really lose myself in the repetitiveness and go elsewhere upstairs. I don't know what it is about simple "put the square block in the square hole" jobs/tasks that I love. Maybe it's because I can forget about my worries/stressors/life and get some "Ben" time. By that I mean no distractions, no outside input. Looking after the kids by myself is sorta like that. I am in charge (to a major degree). I do like to be in charge but I also love to follow another persons lead at times. Gets back to the whole "give/take" situation.
Currently I'd rate our marriage as a 6.5/10 on the grand scale of things. Pretty good, could be worse and some room for improvement. The kids are the major stumbling block. Jess is a terror at times and Ava is just going into that whole being able to express herself vocally - so we will have to watch out. The terrible two's is an amazing stage of life and it has been a pleasure/nightmare to experience it all.
We are now 26.2 weeks pregnant. Still haven't pencilled in a name for gods sake. I like either Siobhan or Cora. Ang I think is trying to get me to decide. Eh..
I really love my anniversary present. We are out there each night smacking balls around playing 8 ball or Kellys Pool. Have had a few games of 9 ball and Snooker with Jai but he didn't like either.
We have painted both Sarah and Jessica's rooms. Purple and pink. Was fun doing it. Ang did the majority. Part of her pregnancy nesting response.
My mood has been very good the last week. I think this is due to the fact that the weather is on the improve and that I feel stable in my life. Marriage is a give-take scenario. As long as it is all not 'take' it can only get better. Some days Ang does more and others I do. I have the monopoly on dishes / washing duties. I see those 2 chores as therapy (as sad as that sounds). I can really lose myself in the repetitiveness and go elsewhere upstairs. I don't know what it is about simple "put the square block in the square hole" jobs/tasks that I love. Maybe it's because I can forget about my worries/stressors/life and get some "Ben" time. By that I mean no distractions, no outside input. Looking after the kids by myself is sorta like that. I am in charge (to a major degree). I do like to be in charge but I also love to follow another persons lead at times. Gets back to the whole "give/take" situation.
Currently I'd rate our marriage as a 6.5/10 on the grand scale of things. Pretty good, could be worse and some room for improvement. The kids are the major stumbling block. Jess is a terror at times and Ava is just going into that whole being able to express herself vocally - so we will have to watch out. The terrible two's is an amazing stage of life and it has been a pleasure/nightmare to experience it all.
We are now 26.2 weeks pregnant. Still haven't pencilled in a name for gods sake. I like either Siobhan or Cora. Ang I think is trying to get me to decide. Eh..
I really love my anniversary present. We are out there each night smacking balls around playing 8 ball or Kellys Pool. Have had a few games of 9 ball and Snooker with Jai but he didn't like either.
We have painted both Sarah and Jessica's rooms. Purple and pink. Was fun doing it. Ang did the majority. Part of her pregnancy nesting response.
Tuesday, September 7
Royksopp ft. Robyn
Heard this on JJJ the other week.
Guess it means I'm into techno/synth/pop depressive music.
Emo anyone ??
Tuesday, August 31
No More Car Trips
Decided to go away to see my parents new house near Ballarat (Creswick) and then onto Pops' at Wycheproof last weekend. Took Sarah and Jessica away with me.
Lovely 3.5 hour drive to Creswick on Friday night (only got lost twice near Ballarat). Nice house, big lot of land and huge garage. Both girls traveled well. Sarah was very chirpy and at times annoying.
Moved on to Pops' via St.Arnaud on the Saturday. 2 hour drive. Girls were fine. He's doing well but really starting to feel his age (101). I don't know how 70/80/90 or 100 feel different - but I suppose Pop does. He still has his marbles and talking to him is like stepping back in time. Jess loves Poppy and really enjoys his company. Sarah was a bit of a spaz at times and really wasn't interacting at all. The constant yelling at Jess and then Jess screaming at Sarah was starting to get to me. Left early on Sunday morning.
(Sarah and Jess at Lumper Statue - Wycheproof)
6 hour drive back to Gippsland punctuated by stops at Bendigo (lunch - McChuckas), Deer Park (Smack Converters), Hallam (Inlaws) and then home. I dumped them at Ang's parents as they were really starting to drive me bonkers. Fighting over a 5 cent toy, kicking seats, the constant "Cant-keep-still-itis", etc. I left and got 30 minutes to myself at Fountain Gate. The final 90 minute drive was hassle free (thankfully) as my eyes were starting to pop outta my head.
After getting home Ang fed us some dinner and then absconded off to Bingo. Ducky (Ava) went off tap until she got home and Jess then plastered the hallway with stinky vomit (carsick).
Had a good time. Was ultra happy to get out of the car and away from them.....
Lovely 3.5 hour drive to Creswick on Friday night (only got lost twice near Ballarat). Nice house, big lot of land and huge garage. Both girls traveled well. Sarah was very chirpy and at times annoying.
Moved on to Pops' via St.Arnaud on the Saturday. 2 hour drive. Girls were fine. He's doing well but really starting to feel his age (101). I don't know how 70/80/90 or 100 feel different - but I suppose Pop does. He still has his marbles and talking to him is like stepping back in time. Jess loves Poppy and really enjoys his company. Sarah was a bit of a spaz at times and really wasn't interacting at all. The constant yelling at Jess and then Jess screaming at Sarah was starting to get to me. Left early on Sunday morning.
(Sarah and Jess at Lumper Statue - Wycheproof)
6 hour drive back to Gippsland punctuated by stops at Bendigo (lunch - McChuckas), Deer Park (Smack Converters), Hallam (Inlaws) and then home. I dumped them at Ang's parents as they were really starting to drive me bonkers. Fighting over a 5 cent toy, kicking seats, the constant "Cant-keep-still-itis", etc. I left and got 30 minutes to myself at Fountain Gate. The final 90 minute drive was hassle free (thankfully) as my eyes were starting to pop outta my head.
After getting home Ang fed us some dinner and then absconded off to Bingo. Ducky (Ava) went off tap until she got home and Jess then plastered the hallway with stinky vomit (carsick).
Had a good time. Was ultra happy to get out of the car and away from them.....
Thursday, August 19
Things
Quit my shit job 2 weeks ago.
On the last night I worked there I was abused by customers 50% of the time. This due to customers waiting 60 minutes (and in one case 100 minutes) for their food. A drunk native took the gold medal for the night when he called me a "fuckin' white cunt" and told me "this is not you fuckin' country" I came very close to throwing a few cut lunches at him. Adrenalin was pumping like a mothafucker but in the end I didn't because I was thinking about my job. What a waste... should of rammed his food into his face and punched him in the gonads. Got back to the shop and told the owners that I was going home. Didn't clean. Didn't mop. Just got my cash and exited. The following night I called in to say I wasn't coming in as I was heading up to Melbourne. Haven't been back since..... Nor have I even been called.
I have never trusted a fish'n'chip shop run by Asians. Don't know why... probably cause they can't cook greasy foods to save their lives.
Pretty happy to get away from that whole environment to say the least.
On the home front Jaiden and Sarah have been off sailing the high seas with Ang's parents the last week. On a P&O cruise to Noumea. They get back on Sunday. Jess and Ava have been a real fucking handful during this absence of older siblings. Ava caught Conjunctivitis from Daycare. Jess caught an ear, nose & throat infection. They have been ultra nightmarish overnight. Jess has been in our bed the last 5 nights. Ava won't settle at all.
Sleep... We're both due for some soon.
Won't happen for another 2-3 years or so until Bubs-to-Be is at least 18 months or so old. Strikes and gutters, onto the next frame....
We took Jess to see a Dora Live concert at Warragul yesterday. Was OK. She enjoyed it at least. A few hot mumma's about but I kept the eyes pretty much straight ahead.
I applied for a TAFE course today. Certificate IV in Mental Health. I think that's my field. Pretty much have a lifetime of experience BEING a psych patient. At least I think I can help a few people out that need it. And I think the whole psychiatric field of employment will be booming for the rest of my life as young and old wannabee's will continue to pop/inject/inhale whatever they can afford. Sad but true...
Smile. Today is over. Now onto tomorrow...
On the last night I worked there I was abused by customers 50% of the time. This due to customers waiting 60 minutes (and in one case 100 minutes) for their food. A drunk native took the gold medal for the night when he called me a "fuckin' white cunt" and told me "this is not you fuckin' country" I came very close to throwing a few cut lunches at him. Adrenalin was pumping like a mothafucker but in the end I didn't because I was thinking about my job. What a waste... should of rammed his food into his face and punched him in the gonads. Got back to the shop and told the owners that I was going home. Didn't clean. Didn't mop. Just got my cash and exited. The following night I called in to say I wasn't coming in as I was heading up to Melbourne. Haven't been back since..... Nor have I even been called.
I have never trusted a fish'n'chip shop run by Asians. Don't know why... probably cause they can't cook greasy foods to save their lives.
Pretty happy to get away from that whole environment to say the least.
On the home front Jaiden and Sarah have been off sailing the high seas with Ang's parents the last week. On a P&O cruise to Noumea. They get back on Sunday. Jess and Ava have been a real fucking handful during this absence of older siblings. Ava caught Conjunctivitis from Daycare. Jess caught an ear, nose & throat infection. They have been ultra nightmarish overnight. Jess has been in our bed the last 5 nights. Ava won't settle at all.
Sleep... We're both due for some soon.
Won't happen for another 2-3 years or so until Bubs-to-Be is at least 18 months or so old. Strikes and gutters, onto the next frame....
We took Jess to see a Dora Live concert at Warragul yesterday. Was OK. She enjoyed it at least. A few hot mumma's about but I kept the eyes pretty much straight ahead.
I applied for a TAFE course today. Certificate IV in Mental Health. I think that's my field. Pretty much have a lifetime of experience BEING a psych patient. At least I think I can help a few people out that need it. And I think the whole psychiatric field of employment will be booming for the rest of my life as young and old wannabee's will continue to pop/inject/inhale whatever they can afford. Sad but true...
Smile. Today is over. Now onto tomorrow...
Friday, August 6
Mt.St Gwinear 2010
Took Sarah and Jess to the snow on Wednesday. There was about 20cms up there but it was very compacted and icy. Hired a toboggan for an hour or so. Had to leave when Jess cracked the sads after a bad spill going down the run with Sarah. I was up the top quietly chuckling to myself afterwards.
It put Sarah in a great mood for 2 days. She didn't shut up on the way there or on the way home.
It put Sarah in a great mood for 2 days. She didn't shut up on the way there or on the way home.
Boy or Girl ?
Find out today (in under 2 hours) if we're having a boy or a girl at Xmas time.
Ang has plonked all her money on a boy. She has been sick nearly every morning since conception. I'm hoping for a boy too. But don't get me wrong, I would love another daughter.
This is our last child. If it is a successful pregnancy I'll be having the snip early 2011.
Ang has plonked all her money on a boy. She has been sick nearly every morning since conception. I'm hoping for a boy too. But don't get me wrong, I would love another daughter.
This is our last child. If it is a successful pregnancy I'll be having the snip early 2011.
Thursday, July 29
Musings
Yeh.
Last 2 nights has seen me sleeping on the couch with Ava. She is a bit unsettled during the nights and it is the easiest and quickest way to get some sleep by just grabbing her and plonking your ass on the couch for the night. At least Ang gets some quality shut-eye. Ava did sleep through the whole night twice last week and so far once this week. Hopefully she is turning a corner for the night. Please...
I was shitty as all fuck yesterday morning. Of course it was typically something so obscure and small that did my nut in (Ang taking forever and not being able to make a decision). To clear my head I went to the TAB, slapped $50 on a nag, got up, collected my profits and turned on my tail feeling much the better. If I do have a bet - I just back the favourite. No point reading the boards, studying form, etc etc. Yeah the professional punter can (maybe) make a living at the TAB but not some no brained donation freak like me. Smart money is on the fav - I'll stick with that. Has worked the last 14 days (I'm about $60 in front from 4 bets). And doing a George Costanza (leaving on a high note) to boot. Get a winner and get outta there. If I don't get a winner in 2 races - walk away. Money is tight so I'm not going to be collecting thick wads of cash.
Jaiden went for his learners yesterday. We bought him the book but he never studied it and thought he could wing it by just doing the online test at home. Wrong. Fail. He is going to sit again soon. Young people - they know it all.
Ang's phonecall with Paige last night didn't go to well. She was a wreak for a an hour or so until she had a chat with me. I told her - it doesn't hurt if you don't care. But that is all well and good for me. Ang carried her, nurtured her, raised her and all the rest. Paige basically stabbed her in the back and went to live with her father. When Paige is older it will really hit home. I see a cadre of psychological care for her down the road. But I might be mistaken. Never know.
Other than that things are going well. Can't really complain.
Last 2 nights has seen me sleeping on the couch with Ava. She is a bit unsettled during the nights and it is the easiest and quickest way to get some sleep by just grabbing her and plonking your ass on the couch for the night. At least Ang gets some quality shut-eye. Ava did sleep through the whole night twice last week and so far once this week. Hopefully she is turning a corner for the night. Please...
I was shitty as all fuck yesterday morning. Of course it was typically something so obscure and small that did my nut in (Ang taking forever and not being able to make a decision). To clear my head I went to the TAB, slapped $50 on a nag, got up, collected my profits and turned on my tail feeling much the better. If I do have a bet - I just back the favourite. No point reading the boards, studying form, etc etc. Yeah the professional punter can (maybe) make a living at the TAB but not some no brained donation freak like me. Smart money is on the fav - I'll stick with that. Has worked the last 14 days (I'm about $60 in front from 4 bets). And doing a George Costanza (leaving on a high note) to boot. Get a winner and get outta there. If I don't get a winner in 2 races - walk away. Money is tight so I'm not going to be collecting thick wads of cash.
Jaiden went for his learners yesterday. We bought him the book but he never studied it and thought he could wing it by just doing the online test at home. Wrong. Fail. He is going to sit again soon. Young people - they know it all.
Ang's phonecall with Paige last night didn't go to well. She was a wreak for a an hour or so until she had a chat with me. I told her - it doesn't hurt if you don't care. But that is all well and good for me. Ang carried her, nurtured her, raised her and all the rest. Paige basically stabbed her in the back and went to live with her father. When Paige is older it will really hit home. I see a cadre of psychological care for her down the road. But I might be mistaken. Never know.
Other than that things are going well. Can't really complain.
Saturday, July 24
Things
Has been a busy week or so.
Decided on Tuesday that I wanted to go back to my old job. Rang up the old boss and asked if I could come back. Woke up Wednesday and knew I had made the wrong decision. Went into my current employer and told him what I had did. He wasn't happy. Told him that I had a bad day and made a hasty crap decision based on said bad day. He's OK about it now. The one thing I told him - at least I am honest about what I did.
Went and saw my pdoc on Thursday. I wasn't in a good mood at all. We had a great session - discussing my own problems and his own. I like Danny because I feel that we help each other. He has an ASD as well. His child died from cot death which prompted him to become a psychologist. He even praised me "I'm in awe of you" - which sorta took me by surprise. Whenever I go there in a bad mood I come out feeling heaps better. And vice versa normally.
Haven't called Byron in over 2 months. A bit scared now that if I get back in contact that it will throw the sidchrome set into the works at his end and mine. Very complicated situation indeed. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Especially hard when he lives 5 hours away and I have a young family at home and wife is 17 weeks pregnant.
My random act of kindness this week was taking in a McD's happy meal to Sarah at lunchtime. Put her on cloud 9 for the day. My mother did the same for me when I was in primary school. Good memory. Just trying to replicate that with Sarah.
The monkeys in the house keep swinging from the branches. Big Daddy Ape just needs to swing in the branches with them at times and be ready to catch them when they fall.
Decided on Tuesday that I wanted to go back to my old job. Rang up the old boss and asked if I could come back. Woke up Wednesday and knew I had made the wrong decision. Went into my current employer and told him what I had did. He wasn't happy. Told him that I had a bad day and made a hasty crap decision based on said bad day. He's OK about it now. The one thing I told him - at least I am honest about what I did.
Went and saw my pdoc on Thursday. I wasn't in a good mood at all. We had a great session - discussing my own problems and his own. I like Danny because I feel that we help each other. He has an ASD as well. His child died from cot death which prompted him to become a psychologist. He even praised me "I'm in awe of you" - which sorta took me by surprise. Whenever I go there in a bad mood I come out feeling heaps better. And vice versa normally.
Haven't called Byron in over 2 months. A bit scared now that if I get back in contact that it will throw the sidchrome set into the works at his end and mine. Very complicated situation indeed. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Especially hard when he lives 5 hours away and I have a young family at home and wife is 17 weeks pregnant.
My random act of kindness this week was taking in a McD's happy meal to Sarah at lunchtime. Put her on cloud 9 for the day. My mother did the same for me when I was in primary school. Good memory. Just trying to replicate that with Sarah.
The monkeys in the house keep swinging from the branches. Big Daddy Ape just needs to swing in the branches with them at times and be ready to catch them when they fall.
Friday, July 16
Chest pains revealed no abnormalities in the blood work. GP (who I thought had as much compassion as Hitler on a bender) said it was probably just indigestion.
Got the new Camira on the road on Monday. RWC and rego'ed for $300 without any hassles whatsoever. The mechanic (A friend of Graeme's) was ultra impressed with how good nick it is in. VicRoads inspection was check engine numbers and walk around the car. So all up it has cost me 700 quid to have a vehicle with 6 months rego. Not too bad. Hopefully I get over 70,000 kms with it. The amount of money the previous owner spent on maintaining the vehicle was ridiculous. His loss, my gain.
Mood has been pretty stable last week. Not high, not low. Bit of a Special K at the moment.
Work is busy. Has been OK I guess.
Kids at home have been a bit full on. They are now at daycare an extra day (Friday's). Ava threw up all over me this morning at 3am (fun) and then we slept on the couch until 6am when Jess woke us up demanding I make her a bottle. Nice.
I am a little bit fucked to say the least....
Got the new Camira on the road on Monday. RWC and rego'ed for $300 without any hassles whatsoever. The mechanic (A friend of Graeme's) was ultra impressed with how good nick it is in. VicRoads inspection was check engine numbers and walk around the car. So all up it has cost me 700 quid to have a vehicle with 6 months rego. Not too bad. Hopefully I get over 70,000 kms with it. The amount of money the previous owner spent on maintaining the vehicle was ridiculous. His loss, my gain.
Mood has been pretty stable last week. Not high, not low. Bit of a Special K at the moment.
Work is busy. Has been OK I guess.
Kids at home have been a bit full on. They are now at daycare an extra day (Friday's). Ava threw up all over me this morning at 3am (fun) and then we slept on the couch until 6am when Jess woke us up demanding I make her a bottle. Nice.
I am a little bit fucked to say the least....
Sunday, July 11
Thursday, July 8
Meh + Bo = Sna !
Had to take Jess to a skin specialist yesterday at Warragul. Turns out her spots are called Molluscum Contagiosum. She's had them for over 6 months now. Look like warts. They cover the back of her legs and her back. She has never seemed that bothered by them. A simple ointment will eventually clear it up. Otherwise she'll need them burnt off - that will be a nightmare because when we went in to see the doc Jess hid underneath a chair and then lay on the ground with her blanket covering her.
I've been having some chest pains the last week. Have been to the qwack and am awaiting blood results on Friday. Nothing too serious but I would like NOT to have a heart attack, thank you very muchly.
We knocked down the woodshed 2 days ago. Gonna build something for Jai so he has privacy and we gain an extra room.
My moods have been a bit sedate the last 5 days. Guess messing with my meds has Iggle Piggled it all. I'm not yet fishing from the roof, good sign. Just feel a bit detached and devoid of emotion. I'd rather that than jumping down everyone's throat. It seems little things set me off the most.
I've been having some chest pains the last week. Have been to the qwack and am awaiting blood results on Friday. Nothing too serious but I would like NOT to have a heart attack, thank you very muchly.
We knocked down the woodshed 2 days ago. Gonna build something for Jai so he has privacy and we gain an extra room.
My moods have been a bit sedate the last 5 days. Guess messing with my meds has Iggle Piggled it all. I'm not yet fishing from the roof, good sign. Just feel a bit detached and devoid of emotion. I'd rather that than jumping down everyone's throat. It seems little things set me off the most.
Tuesday, July 6
Monday, July 5
Thursday, July 1
Happenings
Decided on the spot on Sunday to go to my parents house on Sunday. We stayed overnight. Kids were a nightmare. My parents seemed inconvenienced that we visited. To me it came across that we disturbed them from packing up (moving to Creswick in just over a month). We had Chinese (not as good as it used to be) and Ang and my Mother went to Bingo. I had the monsters for the night. Ava slept through the night but Jess was a freaking disaster. It was very cold though. We drove back the next day. Won't be doing that again anytime soon.
My parents are a bit of a disappointment to me. My older brother gets 3 days/nights a week with my Mother living down the road from him. He lives in Wycheproof (3 hours north of Melbourne). She is supposed to look after my 101 year old Pop. The guts of it is - he gets it all, we get a 3 hour monthly visit. He is a school teacher. His wife is a School Principal. They have a rental in inner Melbourne (Yarraville). Now tell me - how much $$$ are they on ? I'd say well over 100 K a year. I know I know, bit of sour grapes from my part, poor middle child syndrome.
I fuckin' hate it though. My family and kids miss out because I don't have rainbows blooming from my arse. My younger brother even had it better than me up until a few months ago. He could smoke dope in their house without fear of being booted out. Me and him got an ultimatum from our mother 7 years ago. We broke the rules, I left and never returned, he continued to do whatever the fuck he liked. Yeah - sour grapes again.
I all can say is that I'm not going to be jumping through hoops when they get older, more crinkley and infirm. My Pop always tells me not to worry about it and that everyone gets what is coming to them in the end. He laughs when I tell him my woes and says "Don't worry son, they'll be old one day". Yeah - good advice.
I'm up early today (4AM) because of bad dreams (happening of late) and an unsettled stomach which is due to last nights pizza. Work is becoming more of a hostile environment. One of the owners is a Nazi. And I think that's being unfair to Nazi's. Time to be getting myself a daytime job. I think 3 years of working nights is enough.
(Looking East towards Loy Yang Power Station - 25 kms away)
My parents are a bit of a disappointment to me. My older brother gets 3 days/nights a week with my Mother living down the road from him. He lives in Wycheproof (3 hours north of Melbourne). She is supposed to look after my 101 year old Pop. The guts of it is - he gets it all, we get a 3 hour monthly visit. He is a school teacher. His wife is a School Principal. They have a rental in inner Melbourne (Yarraville). Now tell me - how much $$$ are they on ? I'd say well over 100 K a year. I know I know, bit of sour grapes from my part, poor middle child syndrome.
I fuckin' hate it though. My family and kids miss out because I don't have rainbows blooming from my arse. My younger brother even had it better than me up until a few months ago. He could smoke dope in their house without fear of being booted out. Me and him got an ultimatum from our mother 7 years ago. We broke the rules, I left and never returned, he continued to do whatever the fuck he liked. Yeah - sour grapes again.
I all can say is that I'm not going to be jumping through hoops when they get older, more crinkley and infirm. My Pop always tells me not to worry about it and that everyone gets what is coming to them in the end. He laughs when I tell him my woes and says "Don't worry son, they'll be old one day". Yeah - good advice.
I'm up early today (4AM) because of bad dreams (happening of late) and an unsettled stomach which is due to last nights pizza. Work is becoming more of a hostile environment. One of the owners is a Nazi. And I think that's being unfair to Nazi's. Time to be getting myself a daytime job. I think 3 years of working nights is enough.
(Looking East towards Loy Yang Power Station - 25 kms away)
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