Have been working as a disability support worker on the TASS program (Therapeutic Accomodation Support Services) since mid January. One word basically sums it all up - MAYHEM. It is great money for me and the family ($30/hour) but it's highly stressful at times. One of the clients is a real problem to the system and to us, the workers. The other clients are pretty messed up but very enjoyable to work with 80% of the time. Have had major issues with other workers but that goes with the territory. Have had huuuuuge problems with my employer - they are basically sycophants and hardly ever put the client first. It's pretty sad really. Im currently looking for employment elsewhere to get away from the bullshit. I just don't do politics very well. And then throw in hierarchies within hierarchies - bah, mayhem.
Home life has been ultra stressful too. Little Ella joined our family on December 27th, 2010. Ang is currently suffering from PND. I think she's always had depression (all her life) and I also think she is BP1 (major mood swings). But I'm standing tall with her at the moment. I can't do it forever if Ang continues on her current switcheroo path. That makes me ultra sad. But everyone has a breaking point. A point of no return. A boundary line that you cannot step back inside once you step over it. She is on meds right now but is doing no CBT. Ang has to wait until April 27th to see a specialist. Thursday/Friday she was excellent. Yesterday she was not. She let my younger brother (who is down for the weekend) drive her car with Jessica in tow to the shops yesterday. My younger brother is not right in the head at the moment and Ang knows this but still let him go yesterday. She warned him off if he fucked up (using me) but I still need her to put on a "serious parent hat" in these situations. She doesn't most of the time. PND must be like that. Having your head/mind scrambled that you forget how to be a Mum. Not so difficult with a 1st child but it's Angela's 6th (and last, hopefully) child. I have to constantly bite my tongue with her. And all that is basically is that I cannot be myself. I don't want to continue not being me - I like me at the moment.
Since Ella's arrival I have been on a journey of self discovery (a good way of putting it). My mood is great (above 6 most days), I am smiling, laughing and generally carrying on like when I was a child/teenager. I'm now seeing psych doctors at Traralgon through community mental health. I was referred there by my GP (exactly like 13 years ago) because I wanted a 'med tweak'. The crap I take is just that - crap. I've been on it for over 7 years now and am on the lowest dose possible. It is an anti psych/anti depressant. Currently I am not psychotic and have never suffered from depression. Why the fuck do I take it then ? It has caused me bitch tits - increased prolactin levels (ever since 1998 when I went onto anti psychs), massive weight gain (was 70kgs in late 1998 - did balloon at one stage to 150kgs - currently I am 127kgs), loss of sex drive / very low testosterone levels (c'mon - I'm a bloke. I wanna do blokey things) and high blood pressure (maybe). It's nigh time for a change I think. But when I went up there they said I was 'Hypo manic" and it's time to double your meds. I did and within 4 days I was back on my normal dose. It really really made me ultra irritable in all things. I was approachable to a med change and the treating doctor (Dr Ojo) said "no, double your meds". Dickhead. Danny has been working with me to go completely OFF meds. I think he wants me to make that decision. And I am close to making that decision, very close. I take a blood pressure tablet now and also temazepam (high powered sleeping aid) to help me sleep better. The temtabs knock me out within 10 minutes but I'm still only sleeping 4-5 hours per night. It's a real shit storm right now - but I am fighting the good fight for myself and my immediate family, no-one else. Quote Metallica here in this situation "'Cause nothing else matters". As a teenager friends used to say "and monkey shit splatters". Sorry off topic - but it's related to the discussion, hehe.
More to come......
