Wednesday, April 20
Tuesday, April 5
Time = Money
What is best in life ?
Conan the Barbarian would yell "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and begin the lamentation of the women". I would nod in agreement and add "Settle for a hot meal, a warm bed, a sharp sword and a loving partner/family". Life is supposed to be simple but in reality it is simple people that make life hard...
Work (Vista) has fucked my pay over the last 6 weeks. I'm owed close to $600 in backpay now. The monkeys in the office and at payroll are no closer to settling the debt. In response I have joined the ASU (union) and we use them as a negotiator to sort this friggin mess out once and for all. The office blames payroll and payroll throws it back to the office. I'm just throwing the 2 bananas from now on - useless fuckers.
Was asked to do a fill in 1 hour shift yesterday. It turned into 4.5 hours with no info from the generals tent (office). In war if the troops are not given proper and adequate direction they invariably turn their guns on their leaders or end up shooting supposed friendly forces. Vista's generals tent is in total disarray at the moment. 90% of the TASS clients have gone totally troppo. Absconding, drug use, accidents and other awful incidents have occurred over the last month. Must be something in the water or the air. Support workers are joining different sides of the debate with the office/clients and it's a total balls up situation. Thank god I go in, do my shit and get the fuck outta dodge. One particular client gives me nothing but grief and at one other house it is the other workers that give me the most trouble. I'll continue on the path until I get more certificates so I can move further along the chain to where I'm needed most. I want to go to the local Psych Ward next but I need a minimum diploma in div2 nursing to get there. My pdoc says all Vista do is dangle a carrot in front of the donkey to keep it happy. Very close to the truth indeed.
Home life has been hectic. Ella is in a good routine. Jess is starting to settle down somewhat. Ava has her good days and bad. Jaiden is so lost in his computer reality it is becoming very apparent that he will have major social problems when he is older. I moved the computer from his room and out next to mine yesterday and he sooked like a little girl about it to Ang. Over dinner Ang relented and said he could have it back in his room but with stringent conditions in place. I just ignored the conversation. The boy is an arrogant fucktard most of the times. 16 years old who thinks he's smarter than Stephen Hawking without a disability. I was like that a little at the same age but I had major respect for my peers/elders. He does not. I can see me and him going toe-to-toe one day. His ego is off the charts... Oh well, he'll dance with the wrong person one day in the future and I can see him copping a total caning.
On a more personal note I'm beginning to level out a little. It sucks because I was enjoying being on a high (over happy) for the last 3 months. Means "bite yer tongue" has to be brought back into play re. Wife, work and squids. It was a good feeling to feel happy for the period. Hopefully I refind that mojo and soon.
Conan the Barbarian would yell "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and begin the lamentation of the women". I would nod in agreement and add "Settle for a hot meal, a warm bed, a sharp sword and a loving partner/family". Life is supposed to be simple but in reality it is simple people that make life hard...
Work (Vista) has fucked my pay over the last 6 weeks. I'm owed close to $600 in backpay now. The monkeys in the office and at payroll are no closer to settling the debt. In response I have joined the ASU (union) and we use them as a negotiator to sort this friggin mess out once and for all. The office blames payroll and payroll throws it back to the office. I'm just throwing the 2 bananas from now on - useless fuckers.
Was asked to do a fill in 1 hour shift yesterday. It turned into 4.5 hours with no info from the generals tent (office). In war if the troops are not given proper and adequate direction they invariably turn their guns on their leaders or end up shooting supposed friendly forces. Vista's generals tent is in total disarray at the moment. 90% of the TASS clients have gone totally troppo. Absconding, drug use, accidents and other awful incidents have occurred over the last month. Must be something in the water or the air. Support workers are joining different sides of the debate with the office/clients and it's a total balls up situation. Thank god I go in, do my shit and get the fuck outta dodge. One particular client gives me nothing but grief and at one other house it is the other workers that give me the most trouble. I'll continue on the path until I get more certificates so I can move further along the chain to where I'm needed most. I want to go to the local Psych Ward next but I need a minimum diploma in div2 nursing to get there. My pdoc says all Vista do is dangle a carrot in front of the donkey to keep it happy. Very close to the truth indeed.
Home life has been hectic. Ella is in a good routine. Jess is starting to settle down somewhat. Ava has her good days and bad. Jaiden is so lost in his computer reality it is becoming very apparent that he will have major social problems when he is older. I moved the computer from his room and out next to mine yesterday and he sooked like a little girl about it to Ang. Over dinner Ang relented and said he could have it back in his room but with stringent conditions in place. I just ignored the conversation. The boy is an arrogant fucktard most of the times. 16 years old who thinks he's smarter than Stephen Hawking without a disability. I was like that a little at the same age but I had major respect for my peers/elders. He does not. I can see me and him going toe-to-toe one day. His ego is off the charts... Oh well, he'll dance with the wrong person one day in the future and I can see him copping a total caning.
On a more personal note I'm beginning to level out a little. It sucks because I was enjoying being on a high (over happy) for the last 3 months. Means "bite yer tongue" has to be brought back into play re. Wife, work and squids. It was a good feeling to feel happy for the period. Hopefully I refind that mojo and soon.
Sunday, March 13
I'm back Baby
Has been a while, yes....
Have been working as a disability support worker on the TASS program (Therapeutic Accomodation Support Services) since mid January. One word basically sums it all up - MAYHEM. It is great money for me and the family ($30/hour) but it's highly stressful at times. One of the clients is a real problem to the system and to us, the workers. The other clients are pretty messed up but very enjoyable to work with 80% of the time. Have had major issues with other workers but that goes with the territory. Have had huuuuuge problems with my employer - they are basically sycophants and hardly ever put the client first. It's pretty sad really. Im currently looking for employment elsewhere to get away from the bullshit. I just don't do politics very well. And then throw in hierarchies within hierarchies - bah, mayhem.
Home life has been ultra stressful too. Little Ella joined our family on December 27th, 2010. Ang is currently suffering from PND. I think she's always had depression (all her life) and I also think she is BP1 (major mood swings). But I'm standing tall with her at the moment. I can't do it forever if Ang continues on her current switcheroo path. That makes me ultra sad. But everyone has a breaking point. A point of no return. A boundary line that you cannot step back inside once you step over it. She is on meds right now but is doing no CBT. Ang has to wait until April 27th to see a specialist. Thursday/Friday she was excellent. Yesterday she was not. She let my younger brother (who is down for the weekend) drive her car with Jessica in tow to the shops yesterday. My younger brother is not right in the head at the moment and Ang knows this but still let him go yesterday. She warned him off if he fucked up (using me) but I still need her to put on a "serious parent hat" in these situations. She doesn't most of the time. PND must be like that. Having your head/mind scrambled that you forget how to be a Mum. Not so difficult with a 1st child but it's Angela's 6th (and last, hopefully) child. I have to constantly bite my tongue with her. And all that is basically is that I cannot be myself. I don't want to continue not being me - I like me at the moment.
Since Ella's arrival I have been on a journey of self discovery (a good way of putting it). My mood is great (above 6 most days), I am smiling, laughing and generally carrying on like when I was a child/teenager. I'm now seeing psych doctors at Traralgon through community mental health. I was referred there by my GP (exactly like 13 years ago) because I wanted a 'med tweak'. The crap I take is just that - crap. I've been on it for over 7 years now and am on the lowest dose possible. It is an anti psych/anti depressant. Currently I am not psychotic and have never suffered from depression. Why the fuck do I take it then ? It has caused me bitch tits - increased prolactin levels (ever since 1998 when I went onto anti psychs), massive weight gain (was 70kgs in late 1998 - did balloon at one stage to 150kgs - currently I am 127kgs), loss of sex drive / very low testosterone levels (c'mon - I'm a bloke. I wanna do blokey things) and high blood pressure (maybe). It's nigh time for a change I think. But when I went up there they said I was 'Hypo manic" and it's time to double your meds. I did and within 4 days I was back on my normal dose. It really really made me ultra irritable in all things. I was approachable to a med change and the treating doctor (Dr Ojo) said "no, double your meds". Dickhead. Danny has been working with me to go completely OFF meds. I think he wants me to make that decision. And I am close to making that decision, very close. I take a blood pressure tablet now and also temazepam (high powered sleeping aid) to help me sleep better. The temtabs knock me out within 10 minutes but I'm still only sleeping 4-5 hours per night. It's a real shit storm right now - but I am fighting the good fight for myself and my immediate family, no-one else. Quote Metallica here in this situation "'Cause nothing else matters". As a teenager friends used to say "and monkey shit splatters". Sorry off topic - but it's related to the discussion, hehe.
More to come......
Have been working as a disability support worker on the TASS program (Therapeutic Accomodation Support Services) since mid January. One word basically sums it all up - MAYHEM. It is great money for me and the family ($30/hour) but it's highly stressful at times. One of the clients is a real problem to the system and to us, the workers. The other clients are pretty messed up but very enjoyable to work with 80% of the time. Have had major issues with other workers but that goes with the territory. Have had huuuuuge problems with my employer - they are basically sycophants and hardly ever put the client first. It's pretty sad really. Im currently looking for employment elsewhere to get away from the bullshit. I just don't do politics very well. And then throw in hierarchies within hierarchies - bah, mayhem.
Home life has been ultra stressful too. Little Ella joined our family on December 27th, 2010. Ang is currently suffering from PND. I think she's always had depression (all her life) and I also think she is BP1 (major mood swings). But I'm standing tall with her at the moment. I can't do it forever if Ang continues on her current switcheroo path. That makes me ultra sad. But everyone has a breaking point. A point of no return. A boundary line that you cannot step back inside once you step over it. She is on meds right now but is doing no CBT. Ang has to wait until April 27th to see a specialist. Thursday/Friday she was excellent. Yesterday she was not. She let my younger brother (who is down for the weekend) drive her car with Jessica in tow to the shops yesterday. My younger brother is not right in the head at the moment and Ang knows this but still let him go yesterday. She warned him off if he fucked up (using me) but I still need her to put on a "serious parent hat" in these situations. She doesn't most of the time. PND must be like that. Having your head/mind scrambled that you forget how to be a Mum. Not so difficult with a 1st child but it's Angela's 6th (and last, hopefully) child. I have to constantly bite my tongue with her. And all that is basically is that I cannot be myself. I don't want to continue not being me - I like me at the moment.
Since Ella's arrival I have been on a journey of self discovery (a good way of putting it). My mood is great (above 6 most days), I am smiling, laughing and generally carrying on like when I was a child/teenager. I'm now seeing psych doctors at Traralgon through community mental health. I was referred there by my GP (exactly like 13 years ago) because I wanted a 'med tweak'. The crap I take is just that - crap. I've been on it for over 7 years now and am on the lowest dose possible. It is an anti psych/anti depressant. Currently I am not psychotic and have never suffered from depression. Why the fuck do I take it then ? It has caused me bitch tits - increased prolactin levels (ever since 1998 when I went onto anti psychs), massive weight gain (was 70kgs in late 1998 - did balloon at one stage to 150kgs - currently I am 127kgs), loss of sex drive / very low testosterone levels (c'mon - I'm a bloke. I wanna do blokey things) and high blood pressure (maybe). It's nigh time for a change I think. But when I went up there they said I was 'Hypo manic" and it's time to double your meds. I did and within 4 days I was back on my normal dose. It really really made me ultra irritable in all things. I was approachable to a med change and the treating doctor (Dr Ojo) said "no, double your meds". Dickhead. Danny has been working with me to go completely OFF meds. I think he wants me to make that decision. And I am close to making that decision, very close. I take a blood pressure tablet now and also temazepam (high powered sleeping aid) to help me sleep better. The temtabs knock me out within 10 minutes but I'm still only sleeping 4-5 hours per night. It's a real shit storm right now - but I am fighting the good fight for myself and my immediate family, no-one else. Quote Metallica here in this situation "'Cause nothing else matters". As a teenager friends used to say "and monkey shit splatters". Sorry off topic - but it's related to the discussion, hehe.
More to come......
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