Has been stable the past 6 weeks or so. Some bad days due to illness or unstableness with stressors.
Tuesday, September 29
My mood graph
Has been stable the past 6 weeks or so. Some bad days due to illness or unstableness with stressors.
Saturday, September 26
Sunday, September 20
Weekend
Have gone off everyday meds for the last 5 days. Just taking them once every 3 days now.
Was feeling absolutely shithouse taking them everyday. Mood was non-existent. I'd rather feel something than nothing. Stupid fucking medication.
Worked Friday night for only 4 hours as I had to take an hour off between 9-10PM to go and get Jaiden from work @ Traralgon. It's a 30 km round trip to either drop him off or pick him up. About $10 in fuel to do both trips. Would be nice one day if he offered some petrol money to help out. Not likely though.
Work was very quiet. Dead in fact. I think due to the footy finals. And having 7 drivers on duty.
Saturday I blew another $50 on the horses. Fuck I am a dumb fucker. No more. STAT.
Just the Springs 3 big races and that's it. I hate myself for being a stupid shit head and losing vital monies on crap.
Worked Saturday night from 5-10PM. Had to drop Jaiden off before I started (he worked 5-10PM as well).
Early in my shift there were 5 cop cars, an ambulance and a house that was surrounded by police tape down Ash St. Later in the night there was a delivery to Ash St and as I took the order the girl told me that she had to meet the driver on the corner of the next street and the coppers had closed Ash St. Here is the reason why.....
2 dead in apparent Murder-Suicide in Ash St, Morwell
Apart from that - the night went pretty smoothly. I hate one dude at work. He is a young guy who is not too bright and gets in everyones way. Wont be long until I blow my stack at him. Jesus Krist.
Were off to Auntie Roseanne's today for a family BBQ. About an hour west of Morwell in Nar Nar Goon. They have a pool table so me and Jaiden always have a few games.
Was feeling absolutely shithouse taking them everyday. Mood was non-existent. I'd rather feel something than nothing. Stupid fucking medication.
Worked Friday night for only 4 hours as I had to take an hour off between 9-10PM to go and get Jaiden from work @ Traralgon. It's a 30 km round trip to either drop him off or pick him up. About $10 in fuel to do both trips. Would be nice one day if he offered some petrol money to help out. Not likely though.
Work was very quiet. Dead in fact. I think due to the footy finals. And having 7 drivers on duty.
Saturday I blew another $50 on the horses. Fuck I am a dumb fucker. No more. STAT.
Just the Springs 3 big races and that's it. I hate myself for being a stupid shit head and losing vital monies on crap.
Worked Saturday night from 5-10PM. Had to drop Jaiden off before I started (he worked 5-10PM as well).
Early in my shift there were 5 cop cars, an ambulance and a house that was surrounded by police tape down Ash St. Later in the night there was a delivery to Ash St and as I took the order the girl told me that she had to meet the driver on the corner of the next street and the coppers had closed Ash St. Here is the reason why.....
2 dead in apparent Murder-Suicide in Ash St, Morwell
Apart from that - the night went pretty smoothly. I hate one dude at work. He is a young guy who is not too bright and gets in everyones way. Wont be long until I blow my stack at him. Jesus Krist.
Were off to Auntie Roseanne's today for a family BBQ. About an hour west of Morwell in Nar Nar Goon. They have a pool table so me and Jaiden always have a few games.
Monday, September 14
Johnsonville
Took Ang, Ava and Jess down to see my Auntie/Uncle, who live at Johnsonville.
It's a spitwad of a town between Bairnsdale and Lakes Entrance situated on the mighty Tambo River.
We played "spot the dead animal on the side of the road" for 50 kms. Scores were tied 7-7 when the game finished at Bairnsdale. Pretty boring road and playing this game helps you from falling asleep. Mainly squashed Magpies (birds) but there was 1 kangaroo and a few possums. We did see an alive Echidna (like an armadillo) alongside the road.
Val and Lex are doing well. We had a yummy homemade lunch. Val adored little Ava. Both of them hadn't seen Jessica since she was a few months old and commented on how far along she has come.
Lex took me down to the mouth of the Tambo / Black Swan Lake. Few good fishing spots for next time I go.
We then headed home (weather turned sour), played Dead Animal again (all the way home) (I won 14-13) and got some KFC for dinner (expensive and awful - fuck you Colonel).
Ang went to Bingo at 7PM. I passed out with both little ones at 8PM. Very tiring day.
** Dead Animal Game rules **
(.) 1 point for spotting dead animal on roadside.
(.) -1 point for spotting NON-Dead animal (Sticks, bits of rubber from tires, rocks, etc).
PS. I lost 7 points on the way home. Was getting tired. Winner is rewarded with bedroom favours :)
It's a spitwad of a town between Bairnsdale and Lakes Entrance situated on the mighty Tambo River.
We played "spot the dead animal on the side of the road" for 50 kms. Scores were tied 7-7 when the game finished at Bairnsdale. Pretty boring road and playing this game helps you from falling asleep. Mainly squashed Magpies (birds) but there was 1 kangaroo and a few possums. We did see an alive Echidna (like an armadillo) alongside the road.
Val and Lex are doing well. We had a yummy homemade lunch. Val adored little Ava. Both of them hadn't seen Jessica since she was a few months old and commented on how far along she has come.
Lex took me down to the mouth of the Tambo / Black Swan Lake. Few good fishing spots for next time I go.
We then headed home (weather turned sour), played Dead Animal again (all the way home) (I won 14-13) and got some KFC for dinner (expensive and awful - fuck you Colonel).
Ang went to Bingo at 7PM. I passed out with both little ones at 8PM. Very tiring day.
** Dead Animal Game rules **
(.) 1 point for spotting dead animal on roadside.
(.) -1 point for spotting NON-Dead animal (Sticks, bits of rubber from tires, rocks, etc).
PS. I lost 7 points on the way home. Was getting tired. Winner is rewarded with bedroom favours :)
Sunday, September 13
Wednesday, September 9
Somethings amiss
Been in a bit of a rut now for the last week.
Sorta snapped out of it late yesterday - how much it has to do with seeing my psychologist is an unknown. I always feel better after a session. Yesterday Ang came down with me which was a boost. It was weird in a way but also very encouraging. Shows me how much she cares about my well being. Danny went fishing a little bit (to see if I lie about anything) but Ang just told him the truth. Which I do anyway.
Apart from that - I have been trying to figure out what puts me in foul moods. Little things always set me off but there is always something major that is the underlining factor. I think this 'episode' was brought on by my ex's phone call over 3 weeks ago and it has been slowly building to a precipice. Byron wants contact with me. Good and a bad thing.
In the end I'll do whats best for him YET always put my immediate family first. Always.
So its a bit of a prickly pear. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I sent Byron some photos of his half-sisters and one of me and him together when he came down here in January 2008.
I am still looking for another job. A few days a week would suit us to a tee. During the day as well. Don't care what it is - as long as it puts a few more $$$ into the household. The Baby Bonus ($5000 over 6 month period) runs out mid December. So that is the end date in which I need another job.
Jessica has really come along in leaps and bounds over the last month or so. She throws constant temper tantrums yet is an intelligent little bugger. She absolutely craves learning new things. Always asking to go the school (nearly every day). I took her at 6:45AM yesterday as she was sorta doing my head in. The workers there adore her and I think she gets along well with the other kids. She was bitten last week - but she basically shrugged it all off (the workers thought it was very funny how she looked at the bite, then the kid and didnt even cry).
I woke up this morning to Ang yelling at Jessica and Paige. Jess did a shit on the carpet as she wasn't wearing a nappy. Paige is a little manic at the moment and did not help the situation. Jessica is a real handful in the morning. Very hard when you are doing it all by yourself (be it either myself or Angela).
Until next time...
Sorta snapped out of it late yesterday - how much it has to do with seeing my psychologist is an unknown. I always feel better after a session. Yesterday Ang came down with me which was a boost. It was weird in a way but also very encouraging. Shows me how much she cares about my well being. Danny went fishing a little bit (to see if I lie about anything) but Ang just told him the truth. Which I do anyway.
Apart from that - I have been trying to figure out what puts me in foul moods. Little things always set me off but there is always something major that is the underlining factor. I think this 'episode' was brought on by my ex's phone call over 3 weeks ago and it has been slowly building to a precipice. Byron wants contact with me. Good and a bad thing.
In the end I'll do whats best for him YET always put my immediate family first. Always.
So its a bit of a prickly pear. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I sent Byron some photos of his half-sisters and one of me and him together when he came down here in January 2008.
I am still looking for another job. A few days a week would suit us to a tee. During the day as well. Don't care what it is - as long as it puts a few more $$$ into the household. The Baby Bonus ($5000 over 6 month period) runs out mid December. So that is the end date in which I need another job.
Jessica has really come along in leaps and bounds over the last month or so. She throws constant temper tantrums yet is an intelligent little bugger. She absolutely craves learning new things. Always asking to go the school (nearly every day). I took her at 6:45AM yesterday as she was sorta doing my head in. The workers there adore her and I think she gets along well with the other kids. She was bitten last week - but she basically shrugged it all off (the workers thought it was very funny how she looked at the bite, then the kid and didnt even cry).
I woke up this morning to Ang yelling at Jessica and Paige. Jess did a shit on the carpet as she wasn't wearing a nappy. Paige is a little manic at the moment and did not help the situation. Jessica is a real handful in the morning. Very hard when you are doing it all by yourself (be it either myself or Angela).
Until next time...
Sunday, September 6
Fathers Day
Nice way to start the day with the Twin screamers going off tap.
Asked boss for more shifts at work as 2 nights (12 hours) just isnt cutting it. He'll let me know.
I have to stop gambling (so much) on the gee gee's. Starting to piss me off. Maybe just picking out 1 and loading up on it rather than spreading my thin money over 4-5 races. That way if my 1 pick salutes I'll get a big collect. Eh.
Jaiden had his 1st night of work yesterday. Went well apparently. He has another shift tonight (4 hours).
My mood is a bit stunted over the last week. Seem to be in a bit of a rut. Dont know what it is.
Bah.
Asked boss for more shifts at work as 2 nights (12 hours) just isnt cutting it. He'll let me know.
I have to stop gambling (so much) on the gee gee's. Starting to piss me off. Maybe just picking out 1 and loading up on it rather than spreading my thin money over 4-5 races. That way if my 1 pick salutes I'll get a big collect. Eh.
Jaiden had his 1st night of work yesterday. Went well apparently. He has another shift tonight (4 hours).
My mood is a bit stunted over the last week. Seem to be in a bit of a rut. Dont know what it is.
Bah.
Friday, September 4
Where did I go ?
Umm. Yeah. Time flies.
Got food poisoning on Sunday night. Me and Ang went out for a nice Buffet meal at a local club. On the Monday we were both poleaxed with FP. I have never suffered this shit - nor do I ever want to again.
Apart from that just the usual stuff happening day in - day out.
We had to get a plumber out yesterday as the pipes had been burping and gurgling over a 4 day period. Ken Gooding came around and 1 hour later had unblocked the outside drain on our property. I watched as he used some creepy crawley drain de-clogger that cleaned the shit away. Fascinating.
$220 though - So now we are broke.
Had cricket training on Wednesday. 27 people were there. I ran fielding drills all night. 80% of the players do NOT know how to catch let alone field. They 'crocodile snap'. Means their hands are opened longways not sideways as they should be. I can see broken fingers coming...
Jessica loves going to daycare 2 days a week. She calls it "Gool" (School).
Ava is a nightmare at times. Last night was pretty bad. I looked after her during the afternoon and she was an angel.
Jaiden got himself a job @ Traralgon working in Hungry Jacks (Aussie Burger King). Good.
Paige is heading in the right direction as a person.
Sarah is still Sarah. A little out of it at most times. Just lost in her own little world.
I still cannot smell or taste anything. Been like this for 2 weeks now. Sucks.
I'll eventually get myself to a medic. Maybe ?
Got food poisoning on Sunday night. Me and Ang went out for a nice Buffet meal at a local club. On the Monday we were both poleaxed with FP. I have never suffered this shit - nor do I ever want to again.
Apart from that just the usual stuff happening day in - day out.
We had to get a plumber out yesterday as the pipes had been burping and gurgling over a 4 day period. Ken Gooding came around and 1 hour later had unblocked the outside drain on our property. I watched as he used some creepy crawley drain de-clogger that cleaned the shit away. Fascinating.
$220 though - So now we are broke.
Had cricket training on Wednesday. 27 people were there. I ran fielding drills all night. 80% of the players do NOT know how to catch let alone field. They 'crocodile snap'. Means their hands are opened longways not sideways as they should be. I can see broken fingers coming...
Jessica loves going to daycare 2 days a week. She calls it "Gool" (School).
Ava is a nightmare at times. Last night was pretty bad. I looked after her during the afternoon and she was an angel.
Jaiden got himself a job @ Traralgon working in Hungry Jacks (Aussie Burger King). Good.
Paige is heading in the right direction as a person.
Sarah is still Sarah. A little out of it at most times. Just lost in her own little world.
I still cannot smell or taste anything. Been like this for 2 weeks now. Sucks.
I'll eventually get myself to a medic. Maybe ?
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